Our Struggle followed by a Blessing

**I'm posting the drafts that have been sitting for months until after our BIG announcement just for our personal record. This is the very beginning of our new journey. WARNING: There's a lot of information and might be borderline TMI.**

This is a very personal post for me. Many women know my story, but I've never written it out. Many times I have thought about it, but never did I put it out there. I am doing it now, so if even one woman might read this that has experienced something similar, they know they are not alone. And there is hope.

So...here it goes...

Mat and I have been married for going on six years. It's been a journey of ups, downs and all the in between. I am more in love with this man each passing day than when I married him on that snowy September day back in 2007.

When we got married, Mat had just enrolled at Utah Valley University and had started to pick up flying. Like any young couple, we had a plan for the future, we thought we had it all figured out, but soon we would realize that our plan didn't compare to someone else's plan.

We both knew we wanted a family. We kept bouncing numbers off of each other until we settled on the number four. We wanted to have four kids. We were so excited to think of the soccer games, band rehearsals, dance recitals....you name it. We just never thought we would have to fight so hard to make it a reality.

Fast forward to January 2012...and four miscarriages later. We received the discouraging news that we most likely would not have our own children. There was no tests to prove this conclusion, the doctor just "knew".

Miscarriages are painful. Both emotionally and physically. I felt so lost. There was nothing I could have done differently. There was nothing that I could have done to stop it. It was just something that happened and left me with no answers to all of those questions that began with the same word..."WHY?"

The pain that both Mat & I experienced for each loss did not compare to hearing the news that we would not have our own children. That was the hardest thing we could digest. Admitting the defeat. Having to tell the news to our parents. I couldn't hold in my tears. I was devastated. There are no words to express the feeling that I had. I felt as if I was robbed. Robbed of such a special gift that only woman have.

Fast forwarding even more...after many tears, prayers and talks. Mat & I accepted that we would have to explore other options. There was the possibility of fertility treatments, a surrogate or adoption. We decided that we would focus on the present and would hope to have a child in the next few years. That's where we left it. We had accepted that after 3+ years of trying that it was left in Heavenly Father's hands.

Fast forward to February 27, 2013...

It was 7:45am, I had to leave for work by 8am and Mat didn't have a flight until 10am. I went back and forth on "how mad would he be if I woke him up right now?" I love my husband, but he is not a morning person. Finally, I couldn't hold it in. I had to wake him up.

I first gently tapped his shoulder...gave him a kiss on the cheek and a "good morning!"....
No response.
Then I went to a gentle shake and a kiss on the cheek and a louder "good morning!"....
I got one eye open and a "wha? huh?"
(At least we were making progress...)
Then I said, "I need to talk to you before I leave, can you wake up, pretty please?"
He twisted, turned, yawned....then I got two eyes open and another yawn...followed by a "What did you need to talk about?" (But in a half asleep, not fully pronouncing each word kind of way.)
I smiled and said, "I'm pregnant."
Both eyes POPPED open, Mat sat up in bed and said, "I'll be so mad at you if I wake up in ten minutes and this was a dream."

No dream...it was there on the pregnancy tests. I was pregnant. There were tears, excitement, shock and all followed by a million and one questions!

I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I feel like this is a dream. Both Mat & I are not sure what to think, we just feel so blessed. We are just going through the motions until March 8th, when we go see the doctor. Then, hopefully, we will hear good news! In the meantime, I'm not sure how I'm going to prevent from jumping up and down!

**To be continued...**

Man's Paradise

For a little outing, Mat & I headed to Scheels. I was told that it was a Man's Paradise, so I thought that Mat would looooove it! I won't lie, I actually liked it too!

You can't help but be amazed when you walk in and see a carousel in the middle of the store. Both Mat & I looked at each other and wondered, "what did we walk into?"

We had so much fun! We went through every section, both levels and even ran into

Abraham Lincoln!

It was a perfect afternoon date just to explore.

Be sure to check out the fish tank at one of the entrances before you leave.

We were so engrossed that we forgot to take a picture! :)

Harrow Inc.

I am so excited!

I OPENED my shop!

I have been working on this for quite some time and finally took the plunge!

 

My shop:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/HarrowDesign

 

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Harrow-Design-Inc/141203779374564?fref=ts

 

I love that I have a creative outlet and that I am able to share that. I was so nervous to launch my shop, but am so glad that I jumped out of my comfort zone!

Swing on by & take a peek!

 

Happy New Year!

January was quite eventful!

After overcoming a stomach bug after Christmas, I thought nothing could be worse.

Well...

Bring on the strep throat, round two of the stomach flu and some funky bacteria infection that invaded my lungs.

Oh...but it doesn't stop there!

Mat came down with the flu. Full blown flu.

We both had to take a week off work to try to recover.

I think our home was invaded with every cold of this cold-flu season.

On a positive note, I mastered the homemade chicken noodle soup - a staple for the month.

Now, knock on wood...that was (hopefully) the finale of the season.