A-ha! Moment

You know that feeling of overwhelming happiness after you figure out your hard work & determination paid off?

The feeling that makes your knees turn into jello & you either dance or sit down.

The feeling that makes you shake your head in disbelief.

The feeling that makes a smile appear on your face, but stretches from ear to ear.

The feeling that makes you proud.

Proud that you accomplished something you felt was impossible (or just unattainable).

At the lack of words in the exact moment you realize you did accomplish the impossible, you let out a loud, almost screeching, excited

"A-ha!!"

Well...I just had this experience. I've mentioned before about my weight loss. However, even though I had a number goal in mind, that wasn't my ultimate goal. I wanted to be comfortable again in my own skin & feel my best. Part of this came from the realization of having not 1 or 2, but 4 pairs of jeans, brand new jeans, no less, that just did not fit. I wanted the opportunity to fit into them again since I purchased them in my denial days of "cookie today, double workout tomorrow". This was my motivation to keep on track...so I referred to them as my "skinny jeans". (I'm sure I'm not the only person who has a pair of these....)

With my job, the dress code is usually "dressy casual", but a few days a week we are able to wear jeans. As I was getting ready for work, I realized that it was Mat's turn to do laundry this week. Bless his heart, he does try & mean well, but half my wardrobe will go missing for a few weeks after it's been his turn...:). Which explained why I could not find my normal jeans ANYWHERE. Out of desperation at first, I tried on one pair of my "skinny jeans" to see if they would work for the day. And......THEY FIT!! I stood in complete shock.

The jeans, my skinny jeans, FIT.

A-ha!!

After months of really giving it my all, I was wearing my skinny jeans! I passed the number I had in mind & reached my ultimate goal...to feel comfortable & at my best! So in honor of such an accomplishment, I'm going to celebrate by jumping out of my comfort box and share my before & after pictures. I know it may seem like a small task, but we are our own worst critics. To see my before pictures make me speechless, not in a good way, at how I let myself go as bad as I did. But now, I feel like I have a much better grasp on healthy eating & overall the importance of portion control.

So here I go....this picture is from June 2009....

This picture is from January 2010....Mat took this lovely picture....can you tell I wasn't ready? eyes closed & all...but hey, it works! :)

A-HA!!

One of the Essentials

"I am only one; but still I am one.

I cannot do everything, but still I can do something.

I will not refuse to do something I can do."

Helen Keller

I mentioned just a few simple goals that I had for this year in my previous post. As the month goes on I'm sure I'll mention a few others that I have made. In many aspects, I'm a very private person, not trying to imply that I'm hiding skeletons in my closet, just that I cover my emotions and not let many see that side of me. Because of that, I don't want this post to be weepy or full of self-scrutiny. I simply want to be open and sincere.

I have always struggled with the "what do other people think of me" thoughts and really let them eat away at me, I know I shouldn't but, it's harder than it looks. Most of these "eating sessions" were due to sacrificing my personal time for things that could have waited & not taken the top of my priority list. My husband has tried over and over again to have me realize how much these thoughts tend to affect my decisions and attitude. And as I remind him, I'm only human. So another goal that I have set forth for this year is to put myself on my 'to do' list.

Recently, there have been a vast amount of changes coming at me (& Mat) in an extremely short period of time. Whether it be through family, friends or personal decisions. I've come to realize that I just don't have room in my life for the "what do other people think of me" thoughts. (As mentioned before, this is not meant to be a post of self-pity, but more of self-comprehension.)

I know there are family members that read our blog just to see what Mat & I are up to without having to ask about us or get in touch with us. And honestly, that is partly why I don't have my blog private. I hope that they do have the opportunity to read this, catch up on our life but ultimately know that we still love them. Even if we go months without speaking. Even if hurtful words were said. We still love them. It's just in our nature to love.

Forgiveness is an essential key to doors in life. Granted, it's not easy at times, but by the end it's in deed one of the greatest abilities that each of us has been given. I am not perfect, I don't pretend to be. I don't know everything, I don't act as if I do. I am only one person and cannot do everything, but can & try to do something.

I just wanted to end by saying how grateful I am. For family (that means the WHOLE family), friends (every single one of YOU!), and the blessing that Heavenly Father has been in my life, marriage and decision making.

I love you guys!
(So does Mat :) )

...New Year...

Every new year we try to set "goals" for the upcoming year. Then January 2nd comes & they are mostly forgotten! (Seriously, we're bad at remembering them!) This year, we decided to revisit the goals that we've previously made for the past two years. And rather than call them "goals", we're thinking of them as "habit changes".

In addition to our couple "habit changes", I took it upon myself to set a few goals for myself this new year. I conquered a huge goal this past year, which has taken me almost half of the year to accomplish, but sooooo very much worth it! For health reasons, I had a goal to loose 30 pounds by the end of the year. As of December 31st, I lost 37 pounds!! To be quite honest, this was such a roller coaster ride for me. I put on a lot of weight after Mat & I got married, which I referred to it as "happy pounds". In June 2009, I realized that those "happy pounds" had crept to a whopping 42 pounds. It was extremely hard for me to realize & after many tears, I decided to make a change. I am now 5 pounds away from the weight I was when I got married! This next year, I would like to loose the last 5 pounds & maintain the weight loss.

This year, I also am trying to have us eat more at home. We love to go out for breakfast, lunch & dinner, just as a reason for us not to have to cook or clean up afterwards, which isn't the best thing for the pocket book. I'm trying to have it be more of a "splurge", rather than a "convenience". It takes a little more effort & planning to make this happen. So to start it all off, I have been seriously craving a Cinnabon Cinnamon Roll! Granted they are full of a TON of calories and HUGE, so in the notion of cutting the calories (& not destroying my first goal or my weight loss success), I found a recipe for Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls & altered it just a bit. Now, I could have gone to the store and bought the tube of Cinnabon cinnamon rolls (by the cookies), but they normally are around $3-4 for six (or so) rolls, that doesn't include the gas it would take to drive to the store (maybe another $1, if that, but still....). Not to mention, I already had everything I needed at home. My recipe made 20 LARGE rolls & I even made the frosting to go on top! I passed a few cinnamon rolls out to friends, neighbors & family members since there was really no way we could consume 20 LARGE cinnamon rolls between the two of us. :) I think I am going to give them a go again, but try to make them slightly smaller. I could seriously only eat 1/2 of one at a time. I also didn't get any pictures....I will try this next time around. :)

2010 is a year of many new beginnings & a ton of changes for Mat! Mat is planning on an internship over the Summer, instructing for UVU in the Fall & graduating in December. I can't believe that he's almost done. It feels like yesterday when he just started & the end was so far away! I'm so proud of him! His passion for flying has not wavered at all, he's been as dedicated as he was the first day! He's had the dream of becoming a pilot since he was younger & is in the home stretch of achieving that dream! This is really Mat's year! I will just be working, going to school & focusing on my "goals". :)

I have the next four days off of work and will be spending them focusing on my finals....I had a two week break from school, just to return to have finals. I'm hoping to get them done sooner than later, but we will see. Mat saw his grades from the last term, he was quite surprised by one class in particular. His CFI class was a HUGE struggle for him, by the end of the term, he really thought he wouldn't get anything better than a C. He got a B!!! He was very pleased! I'm hoping I have that type of luck this week!

We hope everyone had a wonderful New Year!